


When a Phoenix Leads to a Clean Slate

by Honeyrobincreamcake



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Gen, I'm new at this, Mood Swings, Redemption, The death of pasta, Violence, Writing summaries is hard, dark themes, struggles, tagging is hard
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 10:31:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11965569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Honeyrobincreamcake/pseuds/Honeyrobincreamcake
Summary: After the destruction of Chopper base Alexsandr is struggling to come to terms with his own issues and find his way around the rebellion with little success and his new allies aren't helping





	When a Phoenix Leads to a Clean Slate

It had been three weeks since their arrival on Yavin and through bustle of settlement, briefings and justified implications about his character, Kallus had learned one thing, Yavin was an oven. Most of the buildings were still under maintenance and the technicians had rightfully deemed making sure the comm channels were secure more important than getting the climate control up and running when most of the barracks had operational windows, though they did little to ease the sweltering heat.  
Nevertheless, overheated barracks were not the reason Kallus was sitting on the balding grass in his nightclothes, but if anyone found him that’s the excuse he planned on using.  
Glancing almost nervously back at the base Kallus wrapped his arms around his knees even tighter in a childish attempt to make himself smaller. Kallus sighed in frustration as he realized how silly he was being still he made no attempt to unfurl himself. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, there was no rule against being outside when most of the rebellion was fast asleep-Kallus had checked- he wasn’t betraying his new allies to the empire, he wasn’t stealing food or setting up an elaborate but tactless prank like Ezra liked to do from time to time, he was well within the security cameras’ range, so why did he feel like he should be hiding?  
Guilt.  
That was what he kept telling himself it was, guilt over Lasan, over his role in Tua’s death, over Jovan and every other thing he had done for the empire’s sake. Kallus was after all a hypocrite of the worst caliber guilt was an appropriate response, but as much as guilt bubbled in his gut reminding Kallus of how much he had to atone for and the terrors he could never make right, there was another raw emotion that was threatening to overwhelm him and as much as ashamed as Kallus was to admit it he was well acquainted with the emotion, fear. His cheeks burned at the internal admission, despite a few hostile base members the rebellion had treated him with nothing but mercy and kindness he didn’t deserve, Kallus had no reason to be afraid.  
Yet he was terrified and he knew why.  
Even though Kallus was honest enough with himself to acknowledge his fear, legitimizing the reason behind it, was something Kallus was too stubborn to do.  
Which is why he was sitting on the balding grass in his nightclothes, the barracks were doing nothing to support his stubbornness instead he found them forcing his mind to go places he never wanted to see again, reminding him of horror he would face in a weeks time, Kallus knew he would have to go back to the barracks eventually people would think he was crazier than they already did. But Kallus planned on being dead tired when he dragged himself back into bed. Picking at the grass with his free hand Kallus stared numbly into the dark waiting for the hints of exhaustion to turn into a pull, unfortunately his body was as stubborn as he was and Kallus had a sinking feeling he wouldn’t be getting much sleep.

There was a loud hum somewhere above, Kallus couldn’t pinpoint where as his ears had started ringing though he couldn’t remember when, he looked up quickly or at least he tried in reality it took a few sluggish seconds for his body to respond, when it did Kallus registered the bright lights and faint outline of the Ghost against the night sky with startling clarity and suddenly he was on his feet feeling anything but sluggish.

He was halfway tempted to rush back inside the base but he managed to resist the urge, the ghost was on a landing pad mere meters from him, if he started running now they would likely see him and that would be harder to explain than why he was outside in the first place. Instead he took a few tentative steps forward, promising himself to make a beeline for the base as soon he was certain his departure would look suspicious with any luck the crew would decide to sleep on board until sunrise and he could slip away unnoticed but as Kallus was slowly beginning to realize tonight was not his lucky night.

A whine from Ezra followed by a stern admonishment from Hera told him that they were leaving the ship, no doubt the boy had gotten himself into trouble again and was reaping the fruits of labor, in the form of a long lecture. Kallus sighed again, he didn’t care if Ezra was trouble again, in fact under normal circumstances Kallus would greatly approve Ezra, had slipped glue in his boots enough times for Kallus to come to the conclusion that punishment was something Ezra needed a lot of, but right now Kallus was too busy regretting his choice to sit so close to the main landing pad to even think about Ezra’s plight, at this rate even if he tried to flatten himself against the patchy grass they would still see him. With a groan Kallus started forward again grumbling until he reached the landing platform at least this time he had an excuse and wouldn’t have to pretend he had fallen asleep while stargazing, he was pretty sure no one had bought that excuse.

  
By the time he made it onto the platform most of the crew was already headed towards the main building as Kallus had expected Hera was scolding Ezra about his carelessness amusingly she also seemed to be talking to Kanan who appeared to be taking the lecture in stride, for a moment Kallus almost hoped they would walk right past without noticing him, but the flicker of confusion across their faces, well Hera’s face, Kanan was wearing his mask and Ezra’s expression was more an irritated “What now?” face than confusion, either way they noticed him.

He managed an only partially hesitant greeting of “Captain Syndulla.” before preparing to launch into a grand explanation of why he was wandering around in the middle of the night but Hera only nodded obviously distracted.

“Alexsander.” She said simply managing to remind him of he preference for informality with one word and launch back into her lecture without missing a beat.  
Hera led the two Jedi onward her tone clipped, Ezra rolled his eyes and grumbled about being oppressed and Kanan gently slapped Kallus on the shoulder as he willingly went to his doom. Kallus stared after them marveling at how painless that had been, he had expected an interrogation of sorts not an exchange of unconcerned niceties. The loud thud behind him reminded Kallus that the ghost hadn’t been completely deboarded. At this point Kallus began entertaining the idea of running again, he doubted he could outrun Zeb but he also doubted the Lasat would even try to chase him, but given Kallus’s current streak of luck he would probably trip, fall and knock his teeth out if he tried.  
Somehow that seemed like a risk worth taking.

  
When the stinging first rays of sunlight reminded him of his love of punctuality, Kallus had the decency to feel guilty about running the night before even more so when he noticed the plush Kiro bird on his bunk that wasn’t there the night before. Kallus managed to shrug off the feeling long enough to smother the bird underneath his pillow, while Hera liked to say that people in the rebellion didn’t steal from each other, his meteorite had been borrowed without permission more than once and he was quickly learning not to take chances. The guilt lingered long after he wandered into the mess hall and attempted to force a bowl of gluey oatmeal down with little success, Kallus spent most of the morning helping the droids organize the supplies before the little voice in the back of his mind nagging him to stop acting like a hermit and say thank you won out, Kallus grudgingly agreed to at least try to act less hermity

**Author's Note:**

> A/N:  
> This the first chapter in a series of installments featuring Kallus, in the first chapter Kallus is referred to by his last name in future chapters he will be referred to by his first name, Alexsandr. I just found out he actually had a name, I was totally shocked.  
> More on the Kiro bird later.  
> I look forward to this story and hope you do too, please tell me if you see any errors or have suggestions.  
> God bless!


End file.
